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Seven years since you've been gone - King Rat
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Seven years since you've been gone

Seven years ago today Matt flipped his truck on I-5. I wish I believed he was somewhere better but I'm pretty much an atheist sort. So it seems weird to address his spirit, like trying to address the spirit of a rock or something like that. It would be comforting if I did believe, for then a conversation wouldn't be totally out of the question.

I just spent the evening at the Sloane's for their Christmas Eve. For all their neuroses, they love each other. And they can spend time with each other.

I'm feeling that lack today. Not a lack of love. Call it familiarity, though that's not really the right term either.

Mom could bring that closeness out of my family. Without her, it feels like I have siblings not a family. The closeness is there with individual parts of my family, but the whole doesn't coalesce.

Not yet anyway.

Matt not being here is just one chip out of what feels like fracturing bedrock.

Then again, maybe I've been shut inside due to the snow too many days in a row.

Speaking of which, all the complaining about the snow, all the problems it causes, how it's all someone else's fault... seriously... it's amusing and saddening me. Shit happens. You deal with it. Or you don't.

4 comments or Leave a comment
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: December 25th, 2008 10:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Why whine when you can be outside with neighbors snowboarding down the streets?

I hope things come together, but I would expect it will be hard for some time. Take care, Phil.
industrialvein From: industrialvein Date: December 25th, 2008 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
greetings from Boston, Phil. wishing you the best *hug*
gkr From: gkr Date: December 25th, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC) (Link)

I hope you are doing better there. Mentally at least.

Just as an FYI, I may do some traveling in a month or so. I may stop in Boston.
industrialvein From: industrialvein Date: December 26th, 2008 01:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
oh, im hanging in there, ya know. the only thing I can do at the moment.
If you stop by the area at some point let me know.

take care!
4 comments or Leave a comment