King Rat (gkr) wrote,
King Rat

What now?

I am okay. I am relieved. Since January, mom basically wanted just a few things and she got to do them. She saw my grandmother's 80th birthday party. She got to see her second grandson. She out-raised by far everyone else in the Bellingham Walk to Defeat ALS. SHe is no longer in pain, though her pain was never severe like a cancer patient's can be.

I miss her, and will miss her. And I will have emotional breakdowns on occasion. I know this from previous experience. I am far more content than when Matt died though.

A vigil will be held Sunday night at St. Joseph's Church in Lynden. The funeral will be Monday at 11 am, followed by a burial a half mile away from mom's house, and then a reception back at the church. My friends are welcome to come even if you didn't know mom, though by no means will I be disappointed if no one does. I don't need support there, but I will need to decompress afterward. I am extremely uncomfortable with people expressing condolences to me, which will happen in spades at the services.

I'll write this now. Feel free to give me a hug. I know some folks are concerned about me. I need the hugs. I need people. However, I am not ready to talk about mom's death. Period. Or really about my mom or her illness at all at the moment. If I want to talk about it, I'll bring it up. If you see me crying in a corner (or not in a corner), give me a hug, sit with me, hold my hand, provide hookers and blow, but please please please don't ask me to tell you what's wrong.

I am the executor for mom's will. For the most part that will be pretty simple. It goes to dad. But I need to close up some accounts, deal with some investments, and help distribute personal items that my mom wanted people to get. I will also have to do some things to help dad get set up independently. Things like signing him up for Medicare, maybe teaching him some basic cooking, etc. None of this will I start really until next week though.

I will move back to Seattle full time some time in November. I expect to be there every weekend from now on. I'm not sure what I will do once I have moved back. Things I have considered: working at Barnes and Noble or another bookstore, restarting my plans to open a bookstore, buying an unlimited Greyhound travel ticket and hosteling around the U.S., going back to work in software, taking an ALS patient advocate position, running for city council.

Jason came back up here today and has been shepherding me. I don't have any required things to do until Sunday.

I plan to be in Seattle Saturday night. I will be out dancing at the Noc Noc. I need some normalcy. I need loud stompy music to calm my mind.
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