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Venting - King Rat
Private Life
Bleah. My mom is difficult.

She asked me to help dad fill out some medical paperwork today. His shoulder was killing him, so he went to the doctor who referred him to physical therapy. The two offices are next to each other, so he walked next door, got an appointment scheduled and got some paperwork to bring with him. Dad is functionally illiterate. He can't fill out the forms. Mom did that for him, but she can't write anymore and communicating to dad what he needs to put in is too hard for her.

So I went through the forms, asked dad the questions, and filled in for him. One set of questions is for family history of illnesses. So for each of them I asked dad if anyone had the illnesses. Dad has eight siblings I think. And his memory for details isn't the best. On cancer, he knew his mom had breast cancer. But he didn't remember a sister had it. Or something like that. Mom threw a hissy fit because she remembered and we hadn't filled out the form correctly. And we didn't put down the multi-vitamin dad takes under medications. If it is 100% accurate, what's the point?

When unhooking the feeding tube, the plug popped out and some water with a bit of formula spilled out all over the side of mom's leg and onto the blanket and chair. Maybe a quarter cup before dad got the plug back in. Dad tried to take mom into the bedroom to get a clean pair of pants on her before he put the blanket in the wash and put a clean one on the chair. Mom threw another hissy fit because she wanted the blanket done first and wanted dad to sponge off the chair which got just a bit on it. By the time mom could get off the chair, the little bit was already soaked in. So no real point.

Mom also doesn't want to go through an agency to hire CNA help. She figures that the best people aren't with an agency because agencies take a cut. WHich may be true. But there's no way I am calling 100 different people from a list of independents. If there is someone recommended, I will call them. But I have no way to vet a large list.

My broker recommended an investment strategy for my mom that lets her estate basically get free money when she dies. Mom likes it. But rather than have my broker handle it, mom wants me to open an account with a discount brokerage and do all of it myself. I know the basics of the strategy, and can probably do it. But I haven't done it before and have to muddle my way through all the details.

It's hard enough to do take care of all the things I do take care of. Having her argue with everything and want to do everything the difficult way is getting really tough. I'm burnt out, and the really hard part of her illness is just starting.

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4 comments or Leave a comment
evillinn From: evillinn Date: May 30th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm really sorry, hon. I know this is hard for all of you. I guess there isn't much else I can say, but my thoughts are with you.
I know you won't be back down here for a while, but let me know when you are. I look forward to seeing you whenever it is.
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: May 30th, 2008 05:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Basically, repeat what D said. I know I've been fairly unavailable as I've been in and out of town lately (and will continue to be). If you're not around for brunch on Saturday, I do hope we see you down here soon.
gkr From: gkr Date: May 30th, 2008 05:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Won't be in Seattle this week. Next week I will be heading down Thursday and again Sunday, though Sunday I don't think I will be available. We're bringing mom down for a party. Probably will be her last trip out of Whatcom county ever.
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: May 30th, 2008 06:19 am (UTC) (Link)
I will be out of town the 6th-12th and unavail the 13th. Hopefully there will be another time that you will be down. If not, you know we support what you are doing. I don't think I could do it and am proud to know someone who can. If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know.
4 comments or Leave a comment