I broached the subject of the family get-together this Christmas with my mother. I am going to be pretty broken up to start. Basically, I do not think I can handle being around a large gathering of family members, all of whom are trying to console me. All of whom will be grieving some as well. I found out last year that it makes things worse for me to be consoled, especially by people who I am not especially close to (such as my cousins). My mom was pretty understanding. Joe is also having some issues with this too.
So at some point around Christmas, we are going to do a small family gathering. Immediate family and my grandparents. Perhaps dinner. My mom wants to do a gift exchange to honor Matt, mostly because Matt had purchased small gifts for us last year even though my family had stopped exchanging gifts. I am pretty sure that's not how I want to honor him, but I am not sure what I want to do instead.
Here's what I know I do want around Christmas. I want to spend time around friends. Other than Jason, none of my friends knew Matt, and they will not be grieving. They can be a shoulder to cry on, but not pushing consolation on me. Deirdre offered to spend some time with me around Christmas. I am hoping to corral a couple of others as well. Some quiet mellow time.
For those reading who are new to my journal and haven't read back, my brother Matt died on Christmas morning last year on his way to our family dinner.