Is 10 pm too late to call a girl to ask her out? How about if you know she gets off work at 10 pm? I hate this. I was actually accused of not being shy the other day. I was so confident a couple of hours ago. Excuses and reasons not to call are popping up really fast now. Boy, I need to do the dishes. Ack. Perhaps I can just call tomorrow. That's defeatist thinking. That's choking again. fuck fuck fuck why can't I just telepathically communicate this stuff? This would be so much easier if I was a drinker. No inhibitions. Can blame it on the alcohol if it goes badly. just 3 or 4 minutes now. actually gets out of there around 10:10 she claims. didn't want to call earlier and just leave a message cause she couldn't pick up the phone. it would suck if i went through all this crap just to get her voice mail anyway. but it would also be such a relief not to have to actually talk to her. i could just tell her to call me back tomorrow or something. is it really that much easier to do this if I am not the one who is calling? clock now says 10:10. just a couple more minutes. haven't been this jittery over a girl for a long long time. i mean, not since like Christie way back in like 92 when I had to call a friend of mine every day for 30 days to try to talk myself into asker Christie out. noone to do that with now, and who wants to wait 30 days to get asked out. didn't work then. won't work now. perhaps if i hadn't choked earlier today. 10:11. fuck the 1 key doesn't work so well either. are you glad you are reading this shit. won't you be so disappointed if I don't actually call? or will you actually identify with me if I don't? 10:12. wonder if my typing is keeping up with this with few typos. i am still correcting them as I go. 10:13. gonna call at 10:14. tick tick tick. my heart is a bomb. which wire do i cut to defuse the bomb? the red wire or the green wire. fuck fuck. that's what this feels like. those scenes in movies where the timer is going down. 10:14 now. good bye. please pray for me or whatever you do spiritually.
Stream of Consciousness Butterflies
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