King Rat (gkr) wrote,
King Rat
gkr

Handsome

Most women who have complimented me on my looks in the past were not what I would call "lookers." Most had some severe self-esteem problems of their own. I always felt like they had lowered their threshold for beauty to the point where I would be included in that class. Yep, that's a reflection of my own self-esteem. Not so great in the past. It didn't help that I don't exactly photograph well. I pose like a moron, with my face always ending up contorted, even when I try not to do that. So when I see photos which include me, they aren't overly flattering.

But I'm beginning to doubt all my own doubts. I had come to an uneasy alliance with them a few years ago. I would grant that I am not an ugly person. But good looking? Only to someone who had a quirky sense of physical attraction. Even more now I am starting to actually believe inside that I am good looking.

Some of it has to do with improvements in my self-esteem in other areas. I am more confident at work. I am more confident socially. I feel like I have something interesting to say. I feel like I have something to offer to a conversation. If my view of myself change for the better in some areas, it's bound to improve in others.

Some of it is just attention from attractive women. They consider me in their league. SOme of it is outright compliments when I don't expect them. Which is kind of what prompted me to write this. I got yet another compliment. Let me repeat that. Another compliment. THat just trips me out because I don't really think of myself that way. Or I didn't.

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