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Long term relationship/husband material - King Rat
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Long term relationship/husband material
Several people have commented to me that I ring all sorts of long-term-relationship/husband bells. While I would love to start a family someday, I hate jumping into things too quickly. I try my damndest to keep things light, fun, and carefree. My theory is, there will be time for commitment and seriousness later on, if the person is right. If not, enjoy it for the moment.

But somethings I am doing has scared more than one woman into thinking I was measuring a wedding dress on them. What the hell it is I do not know. The specific words I use indicate the opposite. But my actions, mannerisms, tone of voice, body language, or something indicates this. Or maybe it's partially my reputation. Hell, I don't know.
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m_cobweb From: m_cobweb Date: April 11th, 2007 08:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's possible for that to work in your favor, if you meet the appropriate someone in the same place. (I know because it happened to me.) Not that the interim is particularly enjoyable, of course.
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: April 11th, 2007 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm guessing it's your ingrained sense of responsibility. People tend to take "responsible" as "instant-family wanting man" in my experience.

Also, I really pictured you as more of the wife and mrsloane as the husband. I mean, he even has "Mr" in his LJ name.
burgunder From: burgunder Date: April 11th, 2007 08:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Why I Love Keenan for 500, please.
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: April 11th, 2007 09:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
But could we call them High School Sweethearts?
burgunder From: burgunder Date: April 11th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Signs Point to Yes.
From: jenny_i_read Date: April 11th, 2007 10:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Actually I have to admit you have a point. I know that my being the responsible person I am scares a lot of people. Too many people associate my responsible nature with an inability to just have fun.

I disagree about the husband versus wife issue. Phil is definitely the husband.
ryanlion From: ryanlion Date: April 11th, 2007 08:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, because I know we haven't hung out a lot, and we've obviously never been on a date, so this is purely a guess based on the times I've seen you out socially.

That said when I see you out with a date you seem ernest and serious. Not that you don't have a sense of humor, or aren't having fun, but I think it very well could be a disconnect from how you're thinking / feeling and what your body language is expressing.
burgunder From: burgunder Date: April 11th, 2007 09:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
She's on to something with the serious thing.

You're intense. We all know that about you.

That intensity can be pretty intimidating.

I'm intense. We all know that about me. The way I try to temper that never-ending seriousness about me is by being sarcastic and humorous. I've scared off plenty of people with how intense I can be, and attracted others like m_cobweb suggests.

I wonder - is this a curse of the small-talk-challenged? The only reason I might not be entirely cursed here is because I have breasts, so nobody's actually listening to what I'm saying anyway (har har).

nplusm pointed out to me that because I'm intense and small-talk-challenged and hopelessly sincere about nearly everything I do (and I would argue that these are all character traits you and I share), I often make people around me feel like I'm all in love with them or it's Fate when I'm just casually interested. Maybe you're having the same exact problem I do, after all...
jmac From: jmac Date: April 11th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
burgunder From: burgunder Date: April 11th, 2007 09:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
burgunder From: burgunder Date: April 11th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
But case and point. See how he didn't notice that I was talking? ;>
jmac From: jmac Date: April 11th, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I listened the 1 time we went out and talked.

Albeit we haven't done that again, hmm... Maybe I SHOULD have been staring... :D
gkr From: gkr Date: April 11th, 2007 10:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

i'm more of a leg/ass man

Though tits are nice too
jmac From: jmac Date: April 11th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good choice of emoticon!
From: taowulf Date: April 12th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC) (Link)
This shows that the "creepy" thing isn't working.

I tried to help, sorry.
firstfourisee From: firstfourisee Date: April 12th, 2007 02:16 am (UTC) (Link)
I thought you were already married to Phil!

More seriously, I'd ask whether the first paragraph means you're triggering others to get in that mindset, or just giving a false impression that this is where you're at?

Or is this really a true impression and it's where you're at and didn't realize it?

Just going from what I've seen others do, I think I've seen people cue off a) someone actually listening to them for once, b) someone taking an interest in them in a deeper way than they're used to from those who are just friends, c) bringing up trigger topics (kids, family, future plans, religion, long-term dreams) d) someone starting to call, e-mail, IM, etc. a whole lot, e) someone making them a mix tape. Are you guilty of any of these?
gkr From: gkr Date: April 12th, 2007 02:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't bring up trigger topics and try to change the subject when someone else does. Except for the bookstore.

But calling or IMing more? Sure. Only way to get laid is if you are in the game. I don't take it to stalker levles but a phone call a couple times a week and similar levels of of email or IM seems appropriate.
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