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Pictures of you - King Rat
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gkr
gkr
Pictures of you

Jason's has been going through old pictures the last week or so, clearing out the old, making room for the new. Some of them bring him pain, and so he is pruning.

I'm different than Jason in that. No matter how painful, I will keep my old letters and pictures and other reminders. I have a shitty memory and without external mnemonics I will completely forget things. I feel incomplete if I have that hole. These are the things that make me who I am, good and bad. I think my gut tells me that I will lose part of who I am if I forget these things. And so I keep the memories.

Jason was asking my advice on what to do with the photos before he started on this. I told him the gist of the paragraph above, but that makes me a bad person to ask. For some folks, it prevents them from moving on. In Jason's case, if nothing else, he couldn't use his shop for 7 years because of the stuff in it. And so pruning was necessary. And that makes me a bad person to ask because I would keep all the memories. Not the furniture, for sure, but definitely the photos.


It's also been somewhat painful for me to watch this. It brings out the protective friend in me. I want to yell at her, Do you see what you have done? It's one case where I don't think it was right for someone to be able to start out fresh.

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Comments
From: jenny_i_read Date: March 12th, 2007 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are a good friend Phil. Just because you have a different perspective, and would handle things differently, doesn't mean you're a bad friend. All we can do is be there for each other when needed. Some journeys require that we fly solo, while others can only be made with a little help from our friends.

I know what a gift it's been for me to have you, Mr. Sloane, and the rest of the crew in my life. Each day I'm amazed at the caliber of friends I now find surrounding me and realize I'm one lucky woman. I think the same goes for you and Mr. Sloane. Through good and bad, you guys end up being there for each other. Just remember how special that is.
From: jenny_i_read Date: March 12th, 2007 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
On another note, I think that someone needs to start documenting the group's outings, even if it's just pictures of Loser's Lunch. What do you think?
thugg1ns From: thugg1ns Date: March 12th, 2007 05:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll start bringing my crappy digital camera so we can toss it around.
schmooops From: schmooops Date: March 12th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
I keep photographs and small memorabilia too (e.g., my wedding ring). Old love letters are the best, even from failed relationships. I have a box of love letters from my mom and dad from when they were in college, and I treasure them despite the fact that they split up when I was 3.
turtlegrrl13 From: turtlegrrl13 Date: March 12th, 2007 10:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good friends always want to shield pain from people that matter. It's frustrating when you can't.

I keep old memories as well. I just make sure they can fit in a shoebox and put them in the closet. I like going back and remembering and I don't always if I don't have a trigger. Oh, and I like the hair cut.
gkr From: gkr Date: March 13th, 2007 12:30 am (UTC) (Link)
I have a rubbermaid bin that I use. Slightly bigger than a shoebox.
evillinn From: evillinn Date: March 13th, 2007 04:59 am (UTC) (Link)
I think that after this many years, its a good time for him to get rid of them. I try to encourage people (including myself) to resist the urge to purge all of that stuff immediately after a painful event, but after some time, its a different decision being made.
I save a picture or two of exs, and small reminders of the most painful times, but I don't need that stuff to take up much of my life. I also limit my keepsakes and such to one box per decade of my life.
sirensanssmile From: sirensanssmile Date: March 13th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Having never loved anyone or given my heart, so to say.... I have never had a painful break up. I have had bizarre relationships I wished I hadn't. I still keep a picture or two to remind me of what a mistake it had been. Certain items that an ex has given me I will keep if I like it. Otherwise I will throw it out or sell it. I feel for Sloane though. I think that if one suffers much from having those things around then they should get rid of it. It could be a way of letting it go and moving on.
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