King Rat (gkr) wrote,
King Rat

Things we have no control over

I am white. I am damn white. In the racial sense, but mostly I am talking about in the pigment sense. In other words, I don't tan. I get very little sun. When I do get sun, I burn. Then the red goes away and I am left with white (or translucent). It doesn't turn into a tan. People joke about my color all the time. I get made fun of. I hear "Damn you're white" and "You need some color" and other such statements all the time.

You know what? I don't mind. Why? Because my self esteem doesn't depend on the concurrence of people around me. Feel free to make fun of me. Make fun of my color. Make fun of my intelligence. Make fun of my dancing. Do not make fun of my cat. Last girlfriend found that one out (buh bye!). Make fun of my penis size!

I grew up with shitty self esteem. I grew up thinking I was very plain. I still don't have such great self esteem. It's better now. But here's the thing, self esteem comes from within. It does not come from outside. My self esteem did not improve because other people affirmed me, or because I wasn't made fun of. It improved because I started doing things that made me feel good about myself. Not a thing that anyone else did.

Yes, this is inspired by something on the crack bored. You figure what if you are all that interested.


  • Last post

    I don't plan to delete my LJ (I paid for permanent status, dammit), but this will be the last post. I don't plan to read it anymore, either…

  • Unemployed

    Turns out my insurance is cut off at midnight tonight, not the end of the month. In a way, that's a good thing. Now I'll move my appointment…

  • Home from the cruise, off to Sunnyvale

    A week off, but tomorrow I head to the home office for a week there.

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

  • 1 comment