King Rat (gkr) wrote,
King Rat

Erotic dreams are bad

I've said this before. I don't usually remember my dreams. I woke up in the middle of my dream a couple minutes ago. I was in college, though not the University of Idaho. Jason and I were hanging out at a house populated by coeds. (Incidentally, why is that word refer to women? It seems like it should refer to men as well.) One of the girls there is actually a friend of my old boss Andrew. Can't remember her name now. In reality, she's attached to someone. And living in Houston. Can't remember the name of the company they worked for either. Anyway, the company put her in Seattle for a while, and she came to Andrew's regular dinner parties. One of the big reasons I went to them, despite my misgivings about Andrew's temper. Anyway, back to the dream. End of the night, Jason goes back home. I stay.

Here's the part that pisses me off about this dream though. I'm awkward. Even in my dreams I still totally seize up and can't make a move when it would clearly be welcome. It's not just real life. In my dreams, I'm a shy person. They have an ante-room on the house, with a hot tub. Hadn't noticed this room before. This is where we head to, but she looks at me several times like she's waiting for me to say or do something. I'm too scared to do anything. She's in the hot tub. Naked, though submerged. I'm sitting on the edge talking to her. I can't get in. She'd want me there. But I'm too chickenshit to strip down and jump in. Then I wake up, because I've been asleep for the requisite amount of time.

I've long since come to grips with the fact that I'm shy and only rarely (though getting better recently) make moves. That doesn't bother me. But why the fuck do I dream like that? Dammit, I want my dreams to be idealized me!


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