King Rat (gkr) wrote,
King Rat

Wishing for bad things

When I visited the doctor last week, he convinced me to schedule a physical, as I haven't had one in years. As part of that, they are doing a battery of blood tests on me today. I'm not sure what all is included, except I know they are testing for cholesterol levels and all the standard S.T.D.s.

My mind has been going back to these tests for the last couple of days. I'm a little worried about them. There's a decent chance I have high cholesterol levels, it's not like I eat the right foods to have low levels. Might have the body chemistry to have low levels though. Who knows?

About the S.T.D. tests though, I go back and forth in my worry. On the one hand, I'm less than sexually active and generally have been since 1990. And I haven't had unprotected sex with junkies or gay men. But I haven't always followed recommended best practices either. The pregnancy three years ago proves that. So in theory, I could be carrying something but symptomless. Some S.T.D.s are like that.

And then other things cross my mind? Maybe I do have H.I.V., so what? It'd be something. Or if I can't get my foot back together, and have to use a wheelchair? I'd live, and it would be something that would stand out about me. A lot of times, I feel like I don't stand out very well. That there isn't anything that people identify with that Phil guy. Course, it's a pretty drastic way to stand out, to have some kind of health condition. And it would be standing out for something that really is a cop-out. Still, the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Kind of perverted, huh?


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