August 19th, 2008

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Bi-pap

Mom's bi-pap machine stopped working this morning. Hospice came out and fixed it later today. That doesn't really concern me that much. What does concern me is that while mom was laying down, she could barely breathe without the bi-pap. She can breathe if she's sitting up with her brace on, so that's what they did til hospice fixed the machine.

I don't know if that means death is imminent. It seems to me that it's pretty serious. If mom is asleep and the bi-pap stops working for whatever reason (broken, settings off, power outage), then it could happen. This morning it happened when she was waking up. Or awake already; she didn't sleep much last night I'm told so she could have just been up anyway.

Does it mean she doesn't have long to be able to breathe even with the bi-pap? I don't know.

I'm pretty sure that it does mean that if paramedics are called or she is at the hospital for some reason, her breathing is at the point where they will put her on a ventilator. She doesn't want ventilation, but she won't sign the simple health care directive that hospice has. She still wants everyone to read and follow the advanced health care directive, which I know won't be used by paramedics and probably not by the E.R.

I'm not too upset at this point. Even after I found out this happened I decided to go have coffee and hang out at the Black Drop before visiting mom today. I only was bothered when I was trying to decide whether to tell Gram and Gramps. I won't. Not yet. But thinking that I may have to call them soon and tell them to visit for their last time got me teary for a bit. I did tell my siblings.