June 9th, 2006

Hard Hat

Stressed at work

I left work early today. Too stressed. I stepped in something big (somewhat unknowingly, but not completely), and got dressed down pretty badly. Basically, what I'm doing is not what I signed up for, and what I am supposed to be doing is not always clear. Add in to that I have a personality trait that causes me sometimes assert myself at exactly the wrong times.

Is it really bad? I'm sure the effects of my mistake will pass quickly. But I'm tired and frustrated and not sure I really want this job.

There's only three things that keep me there. One is the possibility that I am somehow missing the big picture and that management has a plan to fix things to which I just am not clued in. The second is the paycheck. It's big. Damn hard to walk away from it. And the third is that I don't like changing things. I prefer the shit I know to the shit I don't. I guess I always assume that the grass will never be greener on the other side of the fence.

I was 99% sure I would attempt to go back to school in 2007. Now, I'm 51% thinking I should just quit now and take a year off before doing that. I'll sleep on it and see what I think tomorrow.