January 9th, 2006

Axe Murderer

Why I don't help people as much anymore

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The most difficult people are those whose problems are continuously self-inflicted. You know in your heart that there’s no quick fix, because they’d just come up with a new way to do themselves harm. In those situations, I usually have to lie, because the truth would sound too much like this:

I’d love to help you, but you’d just find some other dumb ass way to shoot yourself in the foot.

One more resolution for the year

In addition to the goals I set for myself a week ago, I've decided to add one more:

  • This year I will call one person to chat, plan something new (confirming existing plans does not count), tell them I love them, or whatever, at least once per day. Also, Jason doesn't count for this daily phone call. Also, this may be suspended during travel periods.

I am way less fearful of people than I used to be, but I want to get to a point within a few years where people don't scare me at all. Unless they have good reason to be scary. Calling people on the phone particularly scares me. So maybe by the end of the year I can cure myself of that particular side of the fear and help in other respects.

To re-iterate something I've written about before, this transformation really began around New Years 2002, at the funeral for my brother Matt. I looked around at all the people that were there and realized no one would really bother to show up at mine because I was making little impact on lives. And I realized how unhappy and lonely I was. So call this one of my new Matt resolutions rather than a New Years resolution. Ever since then I've been pushing myself to end my isolation. Between being afraid of people and not liking people a whole lot in general, I was pretty isolated.

Also Jason doesn't count for my daily phone call because I already do call him.

So, my validation brigade, feel free to drop your phone number here in a comment. I guarantee you will get at least one phone call. There's a few of you who I have your number that'll get a phone call anyway. Or more than one. 356 more phone calls to go, including today's. (comments screened for the publicity gun-shy)


Lieutenant Commander

My sister Elaine becomes a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy tomorrow. This note comes courtesy of my first phone call for my resolution (to my mother). So I'll call her up tomorrow and congratulate her.