So I went out last night. I didn't intend to. I figured I would go out, see all the couples and happy hooked up people, and wallow in being alone. So I decided to stay home. But things change.
First, Jason called and wanted to go to dinner. Two weeks of not hanging out due to him working in Bellingham and me travelling to Pittsburgh. So we got teriyaki from Sunny's on Greenwood and ate at his place and gossiped. Then Melanie called. She asked us to chaperone her to the club. So Jason and I agreed to go out. I promised to blow smoke in her face and grope her to give her the full Mercury experience. She got that from Max though.
Turned out I had a really good time though. Flirted with multiple women and Keenan. Successfully talked one of them into a kilt-check. Here's the technique. Girl brushes up and lifts the kilt a little bit thinking she's
naughty. Impugn her bravery by noting that
someone as drunk as you shouldn't be so afraid to see what's there. Works quite a bit of the time.
Had a nice conversation with Deb.
So here's where the big loser part happens. I drive Melanie home and Jason back to my place. He hops in his truck and drives off and I realize I don't have keys to get into my apartment. I have keys to get into my building, but the apartment keys are nowhere to be found (on the stove). I try to stop Jason as he has my spare keys. But he's already a block away. So I head back to my car and grab change, intending to call Jason from the pay phone across the street. No dice. Some fucktard drunk frat-boy has decided to rip the handset off the phone. Nearest phone is three blocks away. So I head up the hill by a bunch of saplings that have been broken off and stripped by probably the same drunken frat boy to the phone at the local Kwik-E-Mart competitor. Call Jason. No answer. I leave a message. I decide to wait for a half hour or so to see if he'll read his message and come back. No dice. Next step is I get in the car and drive up to Jason's to get my keys. However, as friends of Jason will attest, he sleeps a lot. And by that point (about an hour from him leaving my place), he was fast asleep. I pounded on the door. He doesn't wake up. I drive back to my place, park outside, recline my seat, turn the seat warmers on, tune the radio to the B.B.C. with the volume low (a surefire way for me to get to sleep), and soon I fall asleep.
That's right you bored voyeurs, I slept in the goddamn car. How cool am I?
Woke up about 7:30, put my boots back on, and called the building manager, who let me in to my place with the master key while he was wearing only a pair of jeans.
You all want to partake of this loserness with me at Loser's Lunch now, don't you?