January 24th, 2005


Am I dull?

Don't answer that. Think of this as my musings. Sometimes I wish this wasn't in front of an audience. I know, I could write something privately. It violates my reasons to filter though. Suffice to say, this is not a plea for compliments.

I harbor huge self-esteem issues. I'm relatively independent now. Emotionally that is. I don't really depend on others to validate me. I realized years ago that my issues are internal, not external. No one can fix me except for me. I've come to realize I'm pretty smart. Decent looking. Good at my job. But I have a hard time buying that many really like me because I figure everyone will figure out I'm really not all that interesting. That I fall into Sturgeon's Law, which states that 80% of everything is crap. I look at my own life and think, boring. Work. Sleep. Socialize. For a long time it was just work & sleep. I sent a note to a friend the other day because I was just so impressed with all the crap she does. I don't do anything.

I need to start doing sommething more. I have a few things in mind. Not getting into discussing them. I just need to get off my ass. See, if I find myself doing things I find interesting, I don't reall give a shit if anyone else finds me interesting.