January 7th, 2005


Aesop's fable

On Monday I was supposed to have lunch with Deborah, or dinner if her appointment before lunch went long.

I forgot.

And my phone was off over the weekend. But I didn't turn it back on when I put it back in the charging cradle. So I missed her call.

She's now pissed at me and I deserve it.


Insecurities and fears

I'm feeling overwhelmed by insecurities and fears today, especially since about 3 o'clock. It's mostly because I am extremely tired. When I get tired, all sorts of weird things happen. Sometimes I'm cranky. Sometimes loopy. Often times horny. Today, my exhaustion magnifies my fears and instills a sense of foreboding. This portent exists only in my emotions, and really does not reflect reality. However, the cloud does not float away on that knowledge.

What I want to do is curl up and watch a movie with lots of explosions with a girl I love. I'm not in a position to do that*. Early to bed tonight is about the only realistic choice I have.

Tomorrow I will go test drive a car if no one else has bought it. And I brought my computer home so I can catch up on work. I hope to cross off a few things on my task list, both personal and business. I don't really care what they are. I've found taking care of the little things will often lift a funk. Being of some use to the world about me, however small the effect is. That's something I learned from my sponsor.

* For the few folks who don't know, I split up with Deb last month.