January 18th, 2004

MacCauley

60 years old

My step-dad is 60 years old today. My mom's throwing a party for him. I'm going up there with Jason and his parents later this morning. I am not looking forward to this.

I get irritated at parties. Really irritated. Given my mood last night there is an even better chance I'll get irritated again. It's not my kind of atmosphere. Lotta people standing around talking bout crap. I dislike most small talk. And I'm extremely fickle with it as well. Some days one bit of small talk will be fine, and another day the same conversation will irritate the fuck outta me. 99.9% of conversations at my parents parties fall into the irritating category. People want to know about my job. Most of them can't remember where I work. I'm the son who works in computers is about as much as they remember. My mom will want to talk taxes.

Fuck em, maybe I'll talk politics today. That'll make the party interesting.

Growing up, until I was 22, I didn't get along with my step-father. I've got 11½ years of getting along with him now. He's not so bad a guy to adults or kids even, but he really didn't know what to do with raising his own. He did the best he could. Doesn't excuse the fact that his best really was a crappy job. But it does make it understandable. I'd love to see him live to be really old and enjoying life.

On the other hand, I'm really not a fan of celebrating birthdays. Instead of celebrating that I turn X years old, I'd much rather people celebrated what a cool person I am. How come no one ever throws parties for that? What a fucked up societal thing, to neglect celebrating the best parts about us. Instead we are treated to longevity.

Oh, don't worry true believers. I'm not going to go to my dad's party and decry the fact that the party is being held at all. I'll put on my best face for him. Sometimes selling out is the right thing to do. Even if the party is for a fucked up reason in my book, he'll be appreciating that people showed up for him. Which is sweet of them. And I am glad for him.