May 7th, 2003


Fear and procrastination

I'm starting to do this again. This is not good. I have some bills I haven't paid. Paperwork. Other things I may speak more of later.

This is a sign my spiritual condition is not right. So I will need to look at that. Usually it means I am going to make changes in my life. I never know what though. But I'll have to do something to get my spirit back in balance.



From a a mailing list which I receive, someone requested a recommendation.

Can you recommend any good non-toxic and/or organic weed killers or bug killers for lawn and garden?
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

I cop out

See, this journal was meant for me. Not for the people that read it. Oh sure I post things for other people's benefit on occasion. But my guiding principle has been my life is public. This is before the journal. Some things are best kept private because they involve other people, or general public knowledge of them may keep me from my goals. But generally speaking it's a bad idea for me to keep secrets. So I made a post this morning about how my spirit is unbalanced, as reflected in fear and procrastination. Yet I held back on saying what these things are. And I did so not because other people are involved. But because I don't want to look bad. And that itself is a bad sign my spirit is out of balance.

I don't have time to rectify it at the moment, because of work. Maybe this afternoon. Certainly before I go to bed tonight.

You may not see it, but this is all about me sliding back into the behavior of a shy, scared kid who doesn't think he is good enough. This is not reality though. But it's the fucked up mentality I lived with for years. I do not want to be that person. And I do not think I set a good example when I behave this way.



Wednesday morning, May 14th, 8 a.m. Medical Dental Building downtown. I think the last time I saw a dentist was in 1990. Maybe 1991. Yeah, totally dreading this. And this is one of the things I have been putting off that I am referring to in entries earlier today. Not just for 12 years. I put this on my list of things to do in January and promised someone I would do it specifically by February 15th but didn't.