July 22nd, 2002


(no subject)

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others. of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

Two things: I spent my social time thinking about dating participants of the social gatherings. Dating isn't bad, and neither is coveting my female neighbors. But I don't think I spent a single thought on the issue of bringing enjoyment to the other participants there.

Second, I finally got off my ass and did something about my apartment. Not a lot. Some laundry and picked up the living room. However, the future plan is to do at least some of my chores before I slack off with a couple of books.


(no subject)

On awakening, let us think abou the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employt our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course ot take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it east. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a whiel. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and have just made conscious contact with God, it is not probably that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time paases, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why.

My plan for the day: collect all my work shit together that is laying around the house, take the bus to/from work, call my real estate agent, finish the inventory edit feature, complete the schedule, shop for Vegas clothing, pick up a roll of quarters, finish all my laundry.

My plan for the day does not include: keeping up with the crack bored while at work.



One thing that ticks me off about my age is that my memory is not anywhere nearly as hot as it used to be. I am plagued by instances where vague recollections of people in my past flit through my conscious. Yet I am unable to dislodge these memories from the crevices where they hibernate.

For instance, this morning I have thought quickly about two women I flirted with in online chat rooms years ago. One went by something like JenniferJuniper. Another was a girl who's name I cannot recall in any fashion, yet I remember she lived in Maryland, was moving to Alaska, and traveled on the cheap to Europe all the time via IcelandAir. She wanted me to move to Alaska with her or something. I actually talked on the phone with her once, but I believed then, as now, that is not a lot to base a relationship on. And certainly not enough to move to Alaska.

I wonder what became of them. And I wonder if I'll ever remember enough about them to be able to find out.