Normally, I really prefer not to get much attention on my birthday. I loathe restaurants that bring out a half dozen uniformed people who sing horrible renditions of something vaguely resembling a "happy birthday" sing. Part of my aversion is that I really have accepted getting older. In fact, I enjoy getting older. Maybe more on that later. Conversely, I am also not really getting that much older. I am only a day older than I was yesterday. I tend not to reflect on the past on my birthday, nor to divide my life into years demarcated by July 11th. The demarcations are really around the starts of significant phases, and sometimes I delineate on the relationships I have. In other words, I think of last year as the year I was with April. The two years before that were the "first" years back in Seattle. My birthday doesn't hold a lot of significance for me, cause I don't feel older and I don't use it to reflect really.
Usually, on my birthday, I try to get the hell out of town for a few days. I do this mostly so that I cannot be pestered by people wishing me a happy birthday. Get out of town and relax and take a load off. Which I will be doing this weekend.
But the odd thing this year is that I have received a lot of birthday wishes from friends and acquaintances. I usually get a card and sometimes a call from my mother. And some years Jason calls me up as early as he can to tell me I am a whole year older than him and then he laughs maniacally. I left my cell phone in Jason's truck last night. So I was pleasantly surprised to have 6 phone message when I got home. Five of them wishing me happy birthday. Plus three people (that I know of) dedicate Live Journal entries to my birthday. And Jason, in lieu of waking my ass up this morning, started a "Happy Birthday King Rat" thread on the Sea-Goth board which got a surprising number of people to chime in. Including one or two people I've never talked to in my life, except that we read each other's posts on that board. Jessica (and Shirley) sent me flowers at work today. Nice flowers. They arrived right after everything at work kind of went to shit for a few minutes. The flowers cheered me right up.
And the really odd thing is, I am content with this turn of events. I am not irritated. I am joyful and appreciative of the attention. Which is sea change in my attitude, and I didn't even expect it. A combination of that attitude change and all the wishes has, I think, made this my best birthday ever. And I haven't even had a party.
I've noted this in previously entries. Something is happening to me. I am coming out of a shell. A shell I didn't know I was in, and most of the time still don't believe I was or am in. And you know what??? It's fucking great!