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Truly Great Insults - King Rat
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Truly Great Insults
King Rat
January 26, 2009 12:21 am

Truly Great Insults

With all the vitriol being spewed my way in the comments on my cforms II post, I’d have thought that someone would have come up with a truly great insult. The best insult of the bunch only compared me unfavorably to Gordon Brown. It’s much better as a crack against Mr. Brown than against me. The bulk of the insults are people calling me a moron or, heaven forbid, a rat. Sometimes in capital letters.

Now, I’m not a strong insulter by any stretch of the imagination, but I could have come up with something better than that. All it takes is a quick Google search for truly great insults.

To help inspire folks, if they are bothering to read anything else on my blog but that entry, I’m instituting a contest. I have no idea what Google PageRank that post will end up with, but it’s bound to be halfway decent (3, 4, dare I say 5? the mind boggles) considering all the links to it. Come up with a better insult! The best insult on either entry will win a link back to your blog! Juice yourself up a bit. I’ll close the contest when I get bored, or the ultimate insult comes along.

So, here’s a few links I found with good insults.

That last one reminds me of Josh’s insults. Hell, Josh could insult me better in his sleep than my apparent enemies can.

Anyway, have at it folks. Best insult gets you a link!

10 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
nihil_duce From: nihil_duce Date: January 26th, 2009 09:04 am (UTC) (Link)

Two personal favorites

1. "Go to Hell and help your mother make Bitch Cakes".

2. "Oh, the crushing tonnage of what you do not know.".
dangergirljones From: dangergirljones Date: January 26th, 2009 09:22 am (UTC) (Link)
I hate you and I hate your ass face
From: node Date: January 26th, 2009 10:32 am (UTC) (Link)

my favorite comeback, from bonfire of the vanities

"shove it up your face"
laurelfan From: laurelfan Date: January 26th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

live off.. larmoyance?

Any idea what larmoyance is supposed to mean here?

"Rats like you are driven by envy, jealousy and larmoyance."

It's not in the dictionary and I have no idea what it's a typo for. The dictionary says "larmoyant" means "tearful", but I don't think that makes sense in context.
gkr From: gkr Date: January 26th, 2009 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: live off.. larmoyance?

No idea. I totally missed it.
laurelfan From: laurelfan Date: January 26th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: live off.. larmoyance?

maybe you've inspired not only a brand new insult, but a brand new insulting word!
cirocco From: cirocco Date: January 26th, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC) (Link)

Nuclear option:

You're an idiot.

A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder you can remember to breathe. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out.

On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) your rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it. Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are like that of the bird who keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, earth-shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.

You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious to the thousands of honest parasitic species.

You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what they are not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame. You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you.

You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet. I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh.

You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease. You puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are.
gkr From: gkr Date: January 26th, 2009 11:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nuclear option:

Did you really write all that just for me? If so, you win!
cirocco From: cirocco Date: January 26th, 2009 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nuclear option:

I can take no credit for this screed, other than for removing the Usenet formatting it used to be wrapped in. I don't remember what the argument at hand was in the thread whence I lifted this post. I do remember that one of the dudes participating in that online melee really, really wanted it to be over for good, and that this uninterrupted string of vitriol did have the desired effect.
gkr From: gkr Date: January 26th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nuclear option:

Good old Usenet. I miss the days of those flamewars. Never saw one that ended this well though.
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